Caffeinated Sentiments

Location: Blue Bottle Coffee | Central, Hong Kong Island

This morning I look upon a sea of umbrellas – blue, checkered, branded. Partially shielded from soft rain, everyone continues on despite the day's multitudes of grey.

Left, right, ahead.

Across the street is an elderly woman. She scours the fruit stands of Gage Street for apples nearly ripe. Imperfect, she remarks, but better-than-average. A man fearing sweat stains and unfinished business rushes past. He scurries in this Hong Kong humidity, podcast on full volume. Today’s episode centres on what it means to be content and self-fulfilled.

Personally, I would’ve opted for something more lighthearted.

Another man is dressed in a fraying garbage bag. Skin textured like worn leather his bodyweight propels a loaded pushcart. Like me, he is unfazed by the elements. Unlike him, I am relishing the last sips of an oat milk latte. Iced.

I wonder how much further he has to go.

I am reminded that we are all heading in different directions.

This move, these projected narratives, force me to evaluate who I am and want to be. What will I let define me? My work? My interests? My values? Who I love? Does it even matter? It’s obvious I’m not sure.

My therapist Tracie says this unsettledness is normal. She echoes that my decision was brave solely because it was mine. I am beginning to accept the privileged limits of my fixations – on goals, endpoints, places I am not but could be.

My daze is interrupted by a sudden beam of sun, I squint my eyes.

Clearly, some parts of me still feel safer in the shade.